How Black Was Beyonce’s Coachella Performance?

Last August, there was a full solar eclipse, during which the path of totality was about 70 miles wide and stretched from Oregon to South Carolina.

Last weekend, there was also a full solar eclipse, during which Beyonce eclipsed the traditional whiteness of Coachella and effectively turned the event in to a HBCU homecoming.

So, just how Black was Beyonce’s Coachella performance?

Joint was blacker than the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., with a pool stick in hand, and the Brother Minister Malcolm X, with his Detroit Red hair and flair, doing the Kid and Play dance, wearing African-American College Association hoodies and Cross Colours pants. During halftime of a Florida A&M-Southern game at midnight the day after a full solar eclipse in September with Earth, Wind and Fire on the sidelines nodding in approval.

-deep breath-

(And people STILL hating on Beyonce? After a BLACK Super Bowl performance and this BLACKER Coachella heat? If you hating on Beyonce at this point, you’re one of those unapologetic Hoteps that hated Black Panther or you one of those folks that wanna see women cook, clean and be quiet. Or both. Either way, update your app.)

-deeper exhale-

(And I’m not even a Beyonce fan. My beautiful Black wife is enough of a Yonce fan for boffus. I am a SUPER fan of Blackness. And this joint wasn’t Black, it was -Plies voice- BLIKE.)

It was obsidian oozing from cracked-open vibranium and into the pores of Black consciousness, exfoliating foolery and leaving a gold shine. It was one nation, under a groove, stomping divinely nine times until it broke open the earth and thunder roared across the highest of seven hills. Those drumsticks beating at the beginning of the performance? Those drumsticks were dripping ice cream flavored with chocolate caramel, mad that it doesn’t have its own Drumstick flavor (because vanilla caramel ain’t BLIKE ENOUGH).

Blacker than a chant of “I’m Blacker than Black, and I’m Black y’all!” in unison by HBCU alums, past and present, led by Euripides, with everyone holding up a fist…

…Yeah, you get the gist.